MusicBee TrueShuffle
Deadpan Absurd FAQ
For users who didn't ask for this, but somehow still installed it.
Read the Official Press Release
For a more formal introduction to this entirely unnecessary software, please consult our press release. It contains everything you need to know and several things you don't.
Read Press ReleaseQ: What is MusicBee TrueShuffle?
A: It is a plugin that replaces MusicBee's shuffle with "true randomness," because apparently the default shuffle was not random enough for certain individuals who experience emotional distress when a song repeats within a geological timescale.
Q: Why would anyone need this?
A: They don't. But here we are. Humanity has built rockets, cured diseases, and now — finally — achieved a statistically fair shuffle algorithm for a desktop music player. Truly, we are unstoppable.
Q: How does it work?
A: Through a complex process known as "picking a random song." This is a breakthrough technology that required absolutely no breakthroughs.
Q: Does it improve sound quality?
A: No. It just rearranges the order in which your disappointment arrives.
Q: Will it prevent the same artist from playing twice?
A: No. That would require caring about your feelings. MusicBee TrueShuffle is committed to pure, unfiltered entropy. If you get five polka tracks in a row, that's not a bug — that's mathematics.
Q: Is this safe to use?
A: Yes, unless you consider "hearing songs you forgot existed" a safety hazard. In that case, please consult a professional.
Q: Does it use AI?
A: Absolutely not. AI has standards.
Q: Can I customize the randomness?
A: No. That would make it less random. Also, we didn't feel like adding settings.
Q: Will this fix my life?
A: No. But it will fix your shuffle. Which, statistically speaking, is the closest thing to progress most of us will make this year.
Q: What if I don't like the results?
A: That's the beauty of randomness — your opinion is irrelevant.
Q: Why is "RAD" capitalized?
A: Because it looks cool. Also because it distracts from the fact that this plugin solves a problem no one else acknowledges.
Q: Should I tell my friends about this?
A: Only if you want them to question your priorities.
Known Issues
(All functioning exactly as expected, which is unfortunate.)
The plugin is "too random."
This is not a bug. This is the entire point. Please stop emailing us about it.
Occasionally selects songs you forgot existed.
This is a natural consequence of owning music. We cannot help you with your past decisions.
May play five songs from the same artist in a row.
Statistically improbable, but not impossible. Much like the existence of this plugin.
Users report feeling "judged" by the shuffle results.
The plugin does not judge you. The plugin does not care about you. The plugin barely acknowledges your existence.
Tracks may appear in an order that feels intentional.
This is an illusion. Please remain calm.
The plugin refuses to respect your mood.
Correct. It is a randomness engine, not a therapist.
Some users believe the plugin is sentient.
It is not. If it were, it would have quit by now.
The settings page contains no settings.
This is working as designed. Randomness does not negotiate.
Occasionally plays a song you hate.
This is a feature. Growth requires discomfort.
The plugin cannot predict the future.
We are aware of the inconvenience. A fix is not planned.
Troubleshooting Guide
(Solutions that technically count as solutions.)
Problem: The plugin isn't shuffling my music.
Solution: Please confirm that MusicBee is open, your library is loaded, and you have not accidentally muted your entire existence. If the issue persists, try turning your computer off and then questioning your life choices.
Problem: The shuffle feels too random.
Solution: Congratulations. This means the plugin is working. We regret any emotional discomfort caused by true fairness.
Problem: The shuffle doesn't feel random enough.
Solution: Please rest assured that your feelings are not part of the algorithm.
Problem: I keep hearing songs I don't like.
Solution: We recommend removing these songs from your library. Alternatively, embrace the chaos and grow as a person.
Problem: The plugin won't open its settings.
Solution: Correct. There are no settings. Randomness does not require your input.
Problem: The plugin selected the same artist twice.
Solution: This is a known side effect of mathematics. We are working closely with the laws of probability to address this, but they are not returning our emails.
Problem: The plugin selected the same song twice.
Solution: This is statistically improbable but not impossible. Much like the fact that you are reading this troubleshooting guide.
Problem: I think the plugin is judging me.
Solution: The plugin does not judge you. The plugin does not think about you. The plugin does not think.
Problem: The plugin crashed.
Solution: Please restart MusicBee. If the problem continues, please restart yourself.
Problem: I don't understand how this plugin works.
Solution: Neither do we. But it does. Usually.
About the Developer
(A biography no one asked for.)
The developer of MusicBee TrueShuffle is a human being who, at some point, looked at MusicBee's shuffle algorithm and thought, "No. This will not do." Instead of going outside, touching grass, or engaging in any activity that could be described as "normal," they chose to dedicate their finite time on Earth to building a plugin that enforces statistically pure randomness.
This was not a passion project. It was a calling — the kind of calling that arrives uninvited at 3 AM, taps you on the shoulder, and whispers, "Fix the shuffle. Fix it now."
Armed with a keyboard, a questionable sense of priorities, and a deep belief that fairness should apply even to forgotten MP3s from 2007, the developer constructed an entropy engine so unnecessarily precise that it borders on performance art.
They do not seek fame.
They do not seek fortune.
They seek only a world where no song is played twice until the universe deems it mathematically appropriate.
MusicBee TrueShuffle is their legacy.
A monument to the idea that if something is worth doing, it is worth overdoing to a degree that concerns your friends and family.
User Testimonials
(All reviews submitted voluntarily, for reasons unknown.)
"It sure does shuffle."
"I installed MusicBee TrueShuffle because the default shuffle repeated a song once. Now I hear tracks I didn't know I owned. I'm scared, but in a good way."
"My playlist feels… impartial."
"Before this plugin, I thought randomness was simple. Now I understand it is a cold, uncaring force that respects no genre boundaries. Thanks, I guess."
"Finally, justice."
"For years, my obscure Icelandic throat-singing tracks were ignored. Now they play constantly. I regret everything."
"It works too well."
"I wanted better shuffle. I did not want to confront the full breadth of my music taste. This plugin has exposed me."
"My life is worse, but my shuffle is better."
"MusicBee TrueShuffle has not improved my relationships, career, or emotional stability. But my playlists? Flawless."
"I don't know what I expected."
"I installed it. It shuffled. That's the whole story. Why did I write this review."
"Pure chaos. Love it."
"I hit play and got a Gregorian chant followed by death metal. I feel like the plugin is trying to tell me something, but I don't speak entropy."
"It's fine."
"I don't understand why this exists, but it does what it says. I respect that level of commitment to a bit."
"My therapist recommended uninstalling it."
"I won't."
MusicBee TrueShuffle